Moving forward

Since I first found out about my diagnosis, I had a lot of ups and downs. At first, it took me a while to really understand what it was and how to accept it. I had tried so hard not to be a person who was struggling, and now I had a diagnosis. But when I did, I realized how much it could help me. For the first time, I didn’t feel crazy or weird, cause there we actually people out there who felt the exact same way I did. It helped me a lot to think that way – that I wasn’t alone.

Even though it did help me out a lot, I still had times where I thought it would be better to be back at the hospital. But I tried my hardest to keep going and remind myself that I’m not crazy. What ended up helping me the most was the semester abroad I did in Kamloops, Canada.IMG_5070

I was so lucky to travel with a friend who really did everything she could to understand me and therefore helped me understand myself a bit better. So for that, I’m beyond thankful for my friend Mie! She made my 6 months abroad the best ever, and she is a huge part of the growth I experienced.

Those 6 months I was away really helped me “find myself” as cliche as that sounds. Being away from Denmark and by that being away from the place where I had been struggling a lot, was really good for me. When I came home, I was changed. I was calmer than I had ever been before.

One thing I really noticed myself, was how I didn’t need to be a part of every single thing anymore. I would say no to a night out because I wasn’t afraid to miss out anymore. Before, I would’ve said yes to anything because I was so scared of missing out and my friends forgetting about me.

IMG_5824I was also so lucky to meet my now boyfriend, Kolby, in Canada. He has been a huge part of where I am today, as he always makes me strive to be my best. But he also understands the struggles I’ve had and listens when I need to talk about it. I feel very lucky to have him, and I’m gonna talk more about how your significant other can help you through your struggles.

This summer I graduated and I now have my bachelors degree, which is something I’m really proud of. Looking back, I never even thought I would graduate high school, so me being here with a degree, means so much. University was extremely hard, and I struggled many times, but I was lucky enough to have the best friends in my class, who supported me through everything. I’m so thankful for each and every one of them!

As said before, it was extremely hard. Some days, especially during exams, I would feel really bad. These days I would allow myself to take more breaks than I normally would and give myself time to gather my thoughts. I would write down everything that was on my mind, and then just leave it. I haven’t read any of it afterward, until recently where I read one I wrote right after I got out of the hospital. It’s personal and from my very dark days, but if I find the courage to do so, I will share it with all of you!

I’m currently in Canada, and I just applied for my master’s degree at the University of Calgary, and I’m so excited to find out if I get in! I know it’s gonna be a long time away from home if I do, but it’s something I really want to do, and something I believe I can!

I’m not trying to brag about what I did after my diagnosis or anything like that. I just really want to show people that it is possible to still do what you want to do, no matter what you’re dealing with. It’ll be rough, you’ll have doubts along the way, you’ll want to give up – but that’s okay! So many times I almost gave up. But I tried to set smaller goals for myself, goals I knew I would be able to accomplish, and when I did, I felt way better. I was also so lucky to have the best people around me, who did their best every day to help me. I will talk a lot more about the importance of a good support system later on!

I needed to leave the environment, I was used to, behind in order to get where I am today. I needed to break free from my old habits and learn how to make better ones. I’m still very much in the process of understanding myself, and every day I learn something new. It’s been hard so far, but I’m actually proud of myself for where I am today!

This is the end of my story so far, but I still have so much more to share with all of you! I’m gonna share the experiences with the aftermath of antidepressants, tell you about my good days and bad days, and talk about taking that step to doing something drastic in your life.

I really hope you’ll all keep reading! And thank you so much for all the support I got, and for reading my story. It means the world to me! I’ve gotten a ton of messages from people asking me for advice, and please keep doing that! I’m by no means an expert, but I will do anything I can to help. Thanks again, from the bottom of my heart!


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